People always ask me… how i am so fit? For the longest time I did not believe them.
I get a lot of compliments on my body, despite knowing I am not perfect. There was a time in life that I became so obsessed with my body. I constantly wanting to fix things.
At the tender age of 6, I remember being so self conscious of my body, my thighs and booty to be exact.
I would have never noticed as a child, but the adults that I would encounter made it seem as though I was some freakishly, abnormal child with a plump derriere. I have gained many nick names throughout the years. Turkey Bum, Lobster Tail, High Bottom, Big Bum Tashea just to name a few. (Some people just was not as creative as others.) Either way, it did depreciate my self esteem as a little girl.
I went through a phase where I would hide my food under the pillows of the dinner table chairs in attempt to avoid adding extra pounds. Basically, I stopped eating. Then, I would binge eat because I was literally starving myself. I tried every trick in the book.
As I embarked my teen years, my insecurities got worse. I lived under a microscope. There was so much jealousy and hate being thrown my way. Anything I wore, I was criticized. I even had a Sunday school teacher tell me at 11, that I would have 3 children by the time I was in the 12th grade!
It was years of battling thoughts of bodily harm to “fit the mold.”
At 17, I became a member of the local gym and hired a trainer. I began to fall in love with working out. It gave me a natural high. I then joined the military, weighing at exactly 156lbs when I swore in. I figured if I look this good NOW? Imagine what I could look like once I joined the armed forces.
Welp, I was wrong. There were many factors to me gaining weight. I couldn’the begin to fathom where to start.
Everything we did was dictated, down to the correct way to stamp your name in your underwear. When we first arrived, all the girls in my division were given birth control. It was not specified if it was optional or not, but they did urge you to get on them. Then, we walked down a hall that was lined with people wearing HAZMAT Gear with these guns, filled with vaccinations, and a needle at the tip. Up to this day, I’m not sure what were inside of those guns. I only remember my arm being swollen after recieving these shots.
The food was good, but filled with preservatives and was overly processed. There were plenty of desserts. It felt like heaven! Only catch? You had 15 mins or less to scarf every thing down. In basic training, we worked out the most, but with this new lifestyle, new food, and new birth control, I packed on the weight. In my mind, I thought I was losing weight. That was until I realized that my skivvies were cutting off my circulation at the crease of my thighs.
Wth? Maybe I was getting muscular? There was no way in hell I was gaining fat! The moment I realized I was gaining weight was when I went out on liberty in my civilian clothes. This lady walked right up to me and said “My gawd, you have some big thighs honey!’ It caught me off guard, not knowing what to say, I replied, “Thank you.” I mean, because obviously that was a compliment… right? That’s what southern people do? Admire thick thighs and such?
WRONG! She said, “Girl you need to get on a treadmill and run!’ Excuse me? Where the F#&! is your southern hospitality? So me being as polite and apologetic that she had to look at my hideous thighs, I replied, “I know, I run a lot but my thighs just seem to get bigger.” This heifer did not stop there, she stared at my legs at told me sternly, “Well then you need to STOP RUNNING!” She walked away.
I tried to process what had just happened, but I was too shocked. I have never been told I did not look good. It took a brutally crude stranger to let me know what I really looked like. Never in my life have I felt this vulnerable. I was ashamed. All of my fancy clothes I left in the store that day. I re-evaluated my image. When I finally dared to step foot on the scale I was 197 lbs! I was almost 20 lbs heavier than my boyfriend!
I vowed I was back to working out and eating less. I was trying to lose weight, but in the worst way possible. I got to my first station which was a United States Cruiser. I tried to get into a regimen, but because I was new, and we were working port and starboard, (which means 6 hours on, 6 hours off) time was minimal. I got a few days in the week in at the gym, but it was not enough. My weight was rising. At my heaviest, I was 220lbs. Lucky for me, it would mostly go to my lower region such as my thighs, butt and of course my infamous calves.
One day, I walked into the female berthing and overheard some women laughing. It did not take long for me to realize that they were laughing at me! I heard one girl who was supposed to be my friend, gasping for air, as tears rolled down her face as she tried to get the joke out. She said, ” Do you remember when Richards thought her feet were swollen, but she was just FAT?” OUCH…
I felt as if I was just going to be obese for the rest of my life. Only at this time, I started to appreciate my body prior to the military. I should have loved myself more. Now it was too late. Looking back, I see why I was so heavy.
- Preservatives in the food
- not enough variety in foods
- not being able to eat during meal hours, so we had to stock up on starchy cup o noodles
- not enough fruits and veggies in the diet
- plenty energy drinks and 5 hour energy for those long days when you can’t sleep between shifts
- not a consistent work out
- not enough water
- plenty of drinking and binge eating during ports
- birth control
Okay, So I will share with you a few fat pics, but majority of them have been burned. Notice how chubby my face gets when I gain weight. I also included a picture of when I lost over 100 pounds! I’ll share my secret with you in a future post!