I have always wanted to blog. I bought so many books. Signed up to various blog sites. I just did not have the boost to follow through.
There were 3 things that were stopping me?
- Fear of looking stupid. “Omg, what would people think!”
- Fear of failure. Giving myself hype and not having the support or the consistency.
- Not being tech savvy. The thought of technology scared me.
This is all me telling myself that I am never going to be good enough.
This was a continuous thing since 2011. I battled the thoughts in my head. I talked a good game, but truly I was chicken. I needed validation from others around me. I would ask what do you think? And I would hear the same responses!
- How will you make money?
- You don’t ever take anything serious, that’s a lot of work!
- What will you talk about? Oh everyone is doing that!
Negative. Their hearts were in a good place, but their mind was too practical. Their fear of the “unorthodox career” made them uneasy. If I only knew then what I know now, I would have shut them down.
Every summer has been the same since moving to Florida. I am over worked, underpaid, stressed out, broke, lonely, and still had to worry about school. Something had to go!!!
As my son was kissed off to summer camp, I was plotting. I refused to have him comeback to the same mental mess I was when he left. So I turned in a month notice of resignation to my boss. I was so drained, I didn’t even have the drive to fill out another application.
Then I got a call from my good friend, Eboni, Founder of Braided By Wire. She was putting together an event and she extended the opportunity for me to be a bottle girl. Normally, I would turn down an offer like this, but I thought, “Hey, why not? Even if I don’t make money in tips, at least I’ll get the opportunity to see my favorite rappers, R.CITY!!!!” I was super excited! Little did I know what doors this night would open.
I was such a workaholic, I didn’t even realize how life was passing me by. I surrounded myself with people who loved the convenience of me being busy to manipulate me. The negative people who only enjoy talking to me to learn about what else is going wrong. They were not true friends. They used me to gauge how well their life was going.
So the minute my third eye opened, those friendships shifted. I didn’t care because I was having the time of my life. No more users, no more mini breakdowns! I was free!!!!
My motto for the summer became “Why Not?” I got so many opportunities modeling, music videos, bar-tending gigs, you name it. All because of the connections I made!
I even had dinner with MY FAVORITE RAPPERS! Literally, my mind was blown. I think I could die a happy woman. Being around all of these positive people who have nothing but love and ambition in their heart, it helped build my confidence.
No more was I around people who would bash other people for trying, or chasing their dreams. It felt GOOD!!!
One day, I was getting my hair done by Bri, founder of Book w/ Brz and something moved me! I thought, I am around all of these successful women! My parents are both business owners so why the hell am I still working for people?
I am tired of being on the wrong side of the interview table. I’m ready to find my niche. I was not open for discussion on what my talents were because I was not too sure what they were, but then I did not want to hear suggestions from anyone else either. Not to be rude but it is my life, not theirs.
Before I got up from getting my hair braided, I already had my business cards ordered, YouTube Channel created, website, Instagram and twitter. I did not know what I was doing and to be honest the thought of all of this scared me. It was only by the positive energy from these girls which kept me going.
Through all of this I learned the meaning of true friendship, women empowerment, and the power of words. I never knew how simple gestures and words could be terrorist attacks to my psyche.
On July 5, 2016. CurlyBae had imprinted her name on her own cyber-platform and created the first blog post.
I wanted to post something that everyone can, if not relate to, then definitely understand. It was my struggle with acne. I was scared of what people would think. I was scared it would go unnoticed. I almost turned back but then something happened.
My laptop refreshed and I thought it was a sign that I should not be blogging in the first place. While my computer updated, I decided to get a snack and tried to figure out what I was going to do with 500 useless business cards? Obviously, I had failed as a blogger.
When I checked my phone, I had 48 notifications! In my mind, I’m thinking, “Who Died?” It was just facebook. I clicked to see what the buzz was about. To my horror, it was the worst acne picture of me I had ever taken!!! PLASTERED ALL OVER FACEBOOK! I wanted to throw up! I was not ready!
I missed the big picture. I had so much positive feedback! To this day, this post has had the highest stats ever. All because I put myself out there.
Moral of the story: Put yourself out there, the only way to live is to let go of what is holding you back. Whether it is a relationship, a dead end job, lack of knowledge. Whatever it is, once you are able to wake up, you have the capability of doing anything. You just have to think outside of the box.
Below is my first video, with the help of Eboni Wire, EazzyBrz, Kashama from Kay C’s Closet, Gifted Oils, Rashawn Abraham, Yurimay C. and Island Thyme it would not be possible. With friends like you, I now know the true meaning of being rich in life.
Music credit goes to Drastic (Don’t you worry” R.City cover)